Hello Fall🍂

Welcome to fall! I hope you’re doing well. If I am being honest, life has been a struggle for me recently.

I decided earlier this week to drop out of school. Is this something I saw coming? Absolutely not. But is this a good idea moving forward? I believe so. I thought College was going to be a good idea for me, but to be honest, It’s just not working. The stress that school has been putting on myself, my relationship, and my ability to go in to work is just not making a sustainable life. I’ve decided to work and focus on my writing until I figure out what I want to do with my life.

I thought a journalism major was the way to go, writing for an online paper or something, but let’s be honest, writing for someone else at a desk all day is not something that I want to do with the rest of my life. Do I like writing? Hell yeah. One of the things that I hate the most about how things have been going recently is that I haven’t been able to write on here and share how I feel with you guys. So, as the past few posts have eluded to, I am hoping to finally spend time writing on here.

The fact that I haven’t been able to write for myself recently is heartbreaking. It is a dream of mine to be an author. To publish a book of my own poetry is what I ultimately would like to do with my life. My hope is to call it ”Will screaming make it better?” and I want to share my poems about my battles with anxiety and depression, sharing my own thoughts and feelings in a raw and real way in a form of art that I find is a way of personal therapy for me.

I am mainly trying to manifest this kind of a career for myself. Being my own boss and living my life the way that I want to. To get married to my fiancé and help support her as well as myself in a healthy and balanced way. In the past couple of days since I stopped working non-stop on school, I have been so much happier. Have I started working more at my job yet? No. But I have been finally cleaning my apartment and making it a livable place again. My depression and anxiety is subsiding a little and my best friend already told me I look happier and more free than I have in the past couple of weeks, which is true. College just drained me so much, I wasn’t healthy in any way shape or form, and I can finally focus on myself.

I get to go to the woods in this month with my friends for the first time as a group and I am incredibly excited. I cannot wait to relax and be free with five people that I love. I hope you all have a wonderful day.

“October is about trees revealing colors they’ve hidden all year. People have an October as well.”

Jim Storm

Love,

Stan (they/them/theirs)