Let’s have a chat about becoming who we’re meant to be.

Let’s have a talk about growing into and becoming the person you’re meant to be. This is something that, while I wish to talk about, am in no way shape or form claiming to be an expert at knowing who I am or what I’m supposed to do in life. None of us are perfect, but we are beautiful and so is growth.

There’s a quote by Carol S. Dweck that I bet I’ve mentioned before: “Becoming is better than being.” These five words have left such a huge impact on how I personally view myself and the world around me. We all have an origin story, the first chapter of the book about our life. I think that looking at that chapter with perspective can be really eyeopening and maybe even therapeutic in a way.

For me, my origin story was far from ideal, as I’m sure is true for a lot of us. I was fortunate enough to grow up in a supportive and loving household and family, I had friends all throughout my childhood, and money was never something that I personally had to worry about as a kid. So I suppose that looking in on my life from the outside, it does look pretty good. Let’s flip that view around and take a look at the things that are harder to notice. I have a couple genes from my wonderful family that are less than perfect. On the mental and emotional side, I have battled depression and anxiety since seventh grade as well as having experienced trauma as a teenager, which I talk about in this post about trauma. On the physical side of things, I’ve got a pretty unlucky spine, meaning, I recently had back surgery for a disk that pressed on a nerve and sent intolerable pain shooting down my leg all the way into my foot. By the time I got the surgery, I couldn’t walk on my own.

Now, when I look at these things that I’ve gone through -the obstacles I’ve dodged, ran into, and gotten crushed by- I see them in an entirely different light than I did when I was going through them. My battle with mental illnesses has made me wise, and I feel like I definitely view the world a whole lot differently than I would have if I’d been a mentally stable teenager. The physical pain I went through in the past year has made me realize how fragile our bodies are. We are not invincible, and we need to notice when our bodies and minds need a break.

I heard this advice somewhere: when your mental health starts to affect your physical health, treat yourself like you are sick. Take 24 hours to rest, drink lots of fluids, and eat good meals. I wish I could remember who said it, but regardless, it’s stuck with me a lot. Our physical and mental health are equally important, and I can see that now, but wasn’t able to when I first went into high school.

For the sake of moving forward, I’m going to switch to talking about my sexuality and how I started finding who I was. I am an asexual lesbian who is not entirely sure what their gender identity is meant to be yet. I think I could make a whole other post about learning who I am in regards to sexuality, but let’s focus on the big parts. I’ve gotten a lot of questions from friends asking when I knew that I was not straight. To be honest, there was not really one defining moment. I remember really liking the other girls that I was friends with. For me, it’s always been that I am attracted to someones aesthetic, kind of the vibe they give off, and that’s where asexuality comes into play for me. I feel very fortunate to have found the woman that I consider to be my soulmate, and I do wish I could go back and tell that shy, uneasy 15 year old girl that we figure it out eventually. In regards to my gender identity, I know now that I will figure it out in the future, and that hindsight saves me some frustration and fear about who I am.

The things I’ve gone through have shown that I found a significant amount of beauty in the world around me as well as in myself. I decided to change my name in the recent past, and it is the current result of all the forces that have pushed on me over the years. I am no longer a small child with blonde hair and neon sneakers, nor am I the scared, shy, and unhealthy teenager with manipulative friends and a toxic mind. What I am is a young adult who has found comfort and a sense of home within themself.

One thing I know that truly helped me on this kind of journey to self-discovery and healing is the people that I choose to surround myself with everyday. I believe that our environment contributes greatly to how we view ourselves, and for me that was part of becoming who I feel like I am meant to be.

I do not have all of the answers to who I am, and in no way can give advice backed up by fact. What I can tell you is that I am a much happier person because of the growth I have made. Becoming who I am has opened so many doors for me and created room for my confidence to grow. I am able to define beauty as something within myself.

Use the perspective you have at this moment to talk yourself through whatever you are facing right now. I know it’s a cliché, but whatever it is, you can find strength within yourself to do anything and become anyone you wish to in this life.

Hold onto hope.

Until we meet again,

Stan