Jack and Sally

“Becoming is better than being.”

-Kalyn Nicholson

Wow. The past few weeks have been a mess, at least for me they have. A lot of things have changed, some of which I think for the better. I was watching a YouTube video the other day and there was this quote in the beginning, “we could live like Jack and Sally if we want” and instantly knowing where it was from, I smiled. If you don’t know, Blink 182 wrote the lyric as a part of their song I Miss You. The idea that popped into my head when I read the lyric was the thought that you can get that happy ending. That it is possible to live happily ever after, or whatever cliché you’d rather use. But, that happy ending has to come at a price, whether it be pain, loneliness, or anything else the universe can throw at you. I guess what I’m saying is that we feel things as human beings, and in order to feel that good happy ending, you gotta feel some shitty moments too.

With all of this being said, I had some pretty shitty moments in the past couple of weeks. In short of making a very long numbered list, there are 3 moments in time that I want to talk about here and now. The first is unexplainably my back pain. This became unbearable starting three weeks ago. It escalated so much that I went to the ER one morning. Going to the ER itself was not a fun experience given the history of my mental health, but I was in so much pain that I could barely breathe or walk. The next day, I saw a new doctor and as soon as he saw me he asked if I could make it a couple more weeks. After shaking my head no, tears threatening, he prompted us with a decision. The conclusion of that decision is the second moment I want to share: surgery. I have to say, I honestly feel so much better now. The pain is only in my back where the incision is so far, and I have started to get some sleep. It feels so good to be able to rest.

A week and a half later comes my third moment. It’s more of a collection of feelings that I’ve been having over this time than anything else. While being in the midst of the surgery, I missed the first week of my senior year. With the hope of everything falling back to normal, or as normal as this life can get, I started school this past week. Getting up before the sun rises is hard, and I’m remembering why. If nature isn’t up, why am I? The sun can mean many things. It’s the one giant, burning ball in the sky that we choose to center our entire lives around, literally. The lack of sunlight seems to lead to sleeping in and ends in taking showers 15 minutes before my classes start. With all of that being said, I think I’m doing okay. I have things to look forward to: my girl and that Jack and Sally ending.

I have discovered this week, that I am in fact addicted to caffeine. The way that I found this out is going nine days and counting without it from the lack of driving I can do. From headaches to being irritated by almost everything under the sun, I have not been thriving every single moment this week. On a positive note, I am taking a Personal Finance class and it has to be one of the most interesting and useful classes I have taken yet in my school career.

I’ve had these feelings recently, like I want to be more than what I am right now, than who I am. I feel like I have something that I so desperately want to say, but don’t know the words needed to communicate what I want to. The world we live in today is an incredibly scary place. I just wish I had the words to change it.

Before we part ways, please sign this petition as well as call and email your senators to wait until the next president is in office to replace Justice Ginsburg:

Tell your Senators: The next President should decide who replaces Justice Ginsburg

Wishing you all good health and justice,

Stan