I live for the nights after 10 hour shifts with a slap happy Hannah and me singing and laughing very loudly. With the only light coming from an iPhone flashlight and the blue light from my laptop screen illuminating my face. The echoes of our laughter illuminating the smiles on our faces. I live for the tiny moments of bliss that come from the most creative and unknowing of situations. I live for the moments where Hannah puts her arms around me and we just sit in our feelings of goodness, peace, and love. I live for poetry. I live for car rides at night, the lights bluring together as I just drive. I live for music. I live for my girlfriend.
This week, I have really been working non-stop at the pizza place I am fortunate to have a job at. It is one thing to be stuck at home with your family, it is another to be get to go to work with people who are so incredibly nice and caring. Picking up extra shifts since school has gone online is really nice not only for the money, but for something to do. It is so easy to feel unproductive and unmotivated, but when I go into a shift I think “Okay, this is what I’m doing for the next x amount of hours,” and when I get off of one, I’m able to think “I just earned a bunch of money and had a really good time.” These are both benefits to working where I do.
One thing that happened this week that I thought was awesome was getting some motivation to be productive. On my day off from work I woke up, drove Hannah to work, and then started my day by cleaning my room and certain spaces around the house. I stayed in my pjs all day and just did what I needed to get done. From school work to laundry and even updating this blog, it felt really good to have a structured and productive day. While I have always had online classes, my school finally caught up and put a plan in place for online course work, making an even more structured day which I think is really good for me.
“Tell your truth.”
The above is something that I think I first heard from my dad, however, I believe many people have told it to me over the years. I’ve thought a lot about it this week and especially since my last post. The truth is often times hard to hear, whether it be bad news, negative, or embarasing. I think being able to tell your truth, whatever it may be, is important. I feel like I may finally be telling my truth in little parts by writing like this every week. Maybe if I do this small little thing every week I’ll have something beautiful in the coming years that I get to look back on and say, “that is my story, that is my truth.”
I’ve been thinking a lot about the reasons I live this past week and came to the conclusions you read at the top of this post. Of them all, there is one that I can’t do at the moment and it is definitely difficult for me. I haven’t been able to take those long drives in the dark that I fell in love with. I don’t know why, but driving in the dark just makes everything so much more enjoyable- or at least that’s true for me. The dim light of the street lights illuminating the traffic lanes and the faint neon “open” signs attached to the buildings glow. The gas station signs brighter than the headlights of my car. There’s a song off of All Time Low’s new album that is titled “Safe” and I’d like to share some of the lyrics with you today.
“Safe, better keep that thought to yourself (self)
When you find that place and it only lasts for a minute
So put the care in drive
And don’t stop runnin’ ’til you’re long gone (oh-oh, oh, oh, oh)
You’re gonna be all right if you just stop thinkin’ it over
Just put the car in drive
And don’t stop runnin’ ’til you’re long gone (oh-oh, oh, oh, oh)
They’ll never slow you down if you never look over your shoulder (oh)”
The moment I heard this song I immediately fell in love with it because it describes exactly what I want to be able to do right now. The name of the album is Wake Up Sunshine and I definitely recommend giving it a listen. It has quickly climbed near to the top of my favorite albums list.
Wishing you all the best
Stan
Long Drives in the Dark 